Dave - isms

As we enter the twentieth anniversary year of Dad's passing, I felt compelled to write about his legacy. So, here goes.

Everyone has some amusing quote from their childhood. Something their uncle or parents used to say that keeps itself wedged in the forefront of their childhood memories. But I'd venture a guess that, at least to us Bitters, none are as funny as those commonly recited by one David G. Bitter.

At the time, Dad had no knowledge of his literary prowess or comedic genius. In fact, most of the time he was quite serious when he'd rattle off one of his famous quotes. Years later, the Bitter tribe still laughs and quotes him almost daily. How can we not? Here are just a few examples.

"Jesus H. Christ!!!!" - to this day, none of us know what the "H" stood for. Was it Harold? Herbert? Horace? One theory floating around, is that Dad used to insert the "H", because that way, he wasn't actually taking the name of the Lord in vain, since he was obviously talking about a different Jesus Christ.

"Shhhhht" - this one may not appear so funny at first, unless you put it into context. This was commonly used when watching TV, and the kids would be too noisy for him to hear. Notice it's not SHHH, which is commonly used by most Americans. Dad had to add the "t" at the end, just to be different.

"Are you insane?" - or sometimes - "Are you nuts?" - it doesn't really matter what you were actually in trouble for. If you were in trouble in the Bitter house, you were immediately accused of being unstable. Whether you talked back, didn't clean your room, or knocked off a liquor store, all were equal crimes in the old man's eyes, and were obvious indications of some sort of mental illness. Kids just don't do stupid things and get themselves in trouble!! That's insane!!

"          " - that's right, silence was sometimes the best quote of all! Well, it wasn't really silence, though. It was more of an exaggerated heavy breathing through the nose accompanied by a cross look and eyes that cut through you like daggers. That's when you knew you were really in trouble, when you left him speechless!!!

"Wouldja....." - (pronounced WOOD-ja) - this one was proclaimed when he couldn't seem to find the words to get you to stop fidgeting.....or talking......or breathing......He didn't have much tolerence for everyday noise, especially if he was watching Hill Street Blues or second guessing Whitey Herzog. It often followed a failed "SHHHT" attempt. And it wasn't "Wouldja stop it" or "Wouldja quit", it was just simply "Wouldja".

Finally, a couple of family favorites.....

"How'd you get Bar-B-Q sauce on your back, Ben?" - I'd go into more detail, but do I really need to? It's kind of self-explanatory, don't you think? The truth is, as I remember it, it wasn't BBQ sauce at all, but a paint stain on his shirt......which he had on backwards. The thing you have to get, here, is that Dad immediately equated a red stain with BBQ sauce. It couldn't have been anything else? Does anyone else find that odd? But, at the time, as Ben will undoubtedly attest to, it wasn't really beyond the realm of possibility for him to have somehow gotten BBQ sauce on his back!!!

"Are you painting a picture?" - we'd hear this one every year at Thanksgiving. We had to do Thanksgiving buffet style, since we were so large in number, and Dad would ask you this if you were in front of him in line and dared to put a second scoop of gravy on your mashed potatoes. It wasn't that he thought we'd run out of gravy, he was just in a hurry to eat. As I have already stated, patience was not a virtue he ever mastered.

People often contort the definition of the words legend, legendary, or legacy in a way that equates them with something epic. This, in my opinion, is a falicy. Although Dave never fought and conquered a giant, spent his life chasing a great whale, nor did he discover a cure for cancer, I argue that the Dave-isms we still use today ARE legendary. And the laughs we are left with, as we remember him, IS a legacy that we will be able to share for generations to come.

In loving Memory, David G. Bitter, 1935-1991.

Thanks for reading.