Mary-isms

O.K., let the hilarity continue; at least for the moment.

I've already given you a taste of Dad's favorite utterances, now we'll delve into the comedic stylings of Mary B. Bitter. Here are a few of my favorite "Mary-isms".

"Well, I'll be dipped in s%#t!" - I'm not sure I even want to venture a guess on the origins of this quaint little phrase, but it still gets a chuckle on occasion. Mom would utter this instead of the more commonly known "Well, isn't that something!" or "How about that!"

"If I'm looking at ya, I'm talking to ya!" - "Come here, Bruce, Um Paul, Uh Andy, what is your name?" Not unlike the old woman who lived in a shoe, Mom had so many children, she couldn't ever remember which one she was talking to. Eventually, she'd give up guessing and say "If I'm looking at ya, I'm talkin' to ya!"

"What's the matter with you?" - Just like Dad, she always assumed that common, everday mischief was a clear indication of a need for psychological intervention. As in, "You got pulled out of class for talking? What's wrong with you?" Which of course led us all to believe we were somehow different from every other kid who got punished for talking in class. They were just chatty, but WE were one spit wad away from an extended stay at Arsenal Street Mental Hospital!

"Children will be beat daily!" - Although I was too young to remember, or perhaps wasn't even born, yet, this one has reached total legendary status. The older kids can help me out, here, If I'm missing any details.
As a parent, do you ever find yourself absolutely at the end of your rope? Mom sure did! At one point, she and Dad had decided that the house rules were going to change, and would be posted on the refrigerator for all to see. "Beds will be made daily." Rooms will be cleaned daily." "Dishes will be done after dinner each night." These were a few of the rules on the list. But so was.... "Children will be beat daily!" I'm pretty sure this was only on the list to get the kids' attention, but I wouldn't bet the farm on that! After all, someone usually was catching a beating every day!

And last, but certainly not least, the always popular..............

"If you don't knock it off, I'm gonna put this cigarette out in your eye!" - O.K. Before you start dialing DFS, remember, this was a long time ago!! She only said it once, give her a break! And we're all at least forty percent sure she didn't mean it. I believe this one even made Dad take notice, as he responded with a "Jesus, Mary!" She never actually DID it. But then again, Bruce does have one eye that looks a little different than the other. Hmmm.....................

Feel free to comment on this, if you can remember any others. This should be fun!

Thanks for reading.